NOT FEELING WELLS: In a disclosure that should be surprising to just about nobody, New York Yankees pitcher David Wells admits in his forthcoming autobiography that he was still “half-drunk” from partying the previous evening on the afternoon of May 17, 1998, when he pitched baseball’s 15th perfect game. Wells had been out the previous night at a party with the “Saturday Night Live” cast (Damn that Will Ferrell!), and pitched on two hours’ rest.
Wells boasts that he is the only one of the pitchers to throw a perfect game who “did it half-drunk, with bloodshot eyes, monster breath and a raging, skull-rattling hangover.” Wells is not, however, the first major league baseball player to pitch a no-hitter while under the influence- that would be Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis, who on June 12, 1970, somehow managed to no-hit the San Diego Padres after taking LSD.
This isn’t Wells’ first time in the news this off-season; earlier he had defended teammate Derek Jeter against occusations from owner George Steinbrenner that Jeter had been “partying too much.” The rotund pitcher also testified against the Brooklyn man who assaulted him in a diner last summer, and admitted that he had “almost died” five years ago after taking the notorious muscle stimulant Ephredra.
Pitching a perfect game while drunk is quite an achievement, I’ve gotta say. Although drunk or sober, against a Minnesota Twins lineup that included the likes of Brent Gates, Jon Shave, Alex Ochoa, and Pat Meares, I might’ve had a shot at a perfect game myself.

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