Monthly Archives: January 2004

CHUTZPAH AWARD NOMINEE: This one

CHUTZPAH AWARD NOMINEE: This one goes to Rick Salomon, the less-famous co-star of the PHST (Paris Hilton Sex Tape). Salomon, who is thought by most observers to have leaked the tape himself, is suing Paris, her publicists, and her moneybags parents for slander- to the tune of $10 million. But here’s the kicker: the slander charge is due to the Hilton camp’s allegations that Salomon wishes to profit from the tape, but in a document obtained by The Smoking Gun, Salomon offers to settle the suit- if he’s allowed to market the video as a pay-per-view event.
If you thought Paris was a despicable individual, she’s got nothing on this vermin- he’s actually offering to drop a lawsuit if he’s allowed to do what he’s suing them for saying he did. Although don’t think I’m going easy on Ms. Hilton; I’d still love nothing more than to see her hideous, perpetually-blank-expressioned visage wiped clean from my consciousness forever.
If you haven’t seen the PHST yet, I’m not about to link to it, but I am going to link to the transcript. In fact, hasn’t everyone in America with interest in the tape already seen it for free? Why would they pay money for it on pay-per-view?
At any rate, she who puts the “ho” in “hot-blooded hotel heiress” could not be reached for comment by any of the aforementioned parties.

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WEINER FOR MAYOR: I’m enjoying

WEINER FOR MAYOR: I’m enjoying this new Wonkette blog, the latest from Gawker Media- doing for DC political and social gossip what Gawker did for New York, Gizmodo did for gadgets and Fleshbot did for porn.
Anyway, today Wonkette came up with a hell of a scoop, pointing out a line in this morning’s edition of ABC’s The Note which made reference to Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY)’s, uh, proclivities with the ladies:

Thank goodness Howard Dean won’t be [the Democratic] nominee he is a dead man walking. This is the loudest Democratic sigh of relief since Anthony Weiner got a phone call telling him that the test came back negative.

This line was posted, probably as a joke, and was rescinded minutes later. Weiner’s supposedly running for mayor next year- provided a similar thing doesn’t happen to Gifford Miller or Freddy Ferrer, he’s got my vote.

THE SIMMONS/KIMMEL DIVIDE: I’ve written

THE SIMMONS/KIMMEL DIVIDE: I’ve written before about the odd dichotomy that has Bill Simmons, one of the more brilliant sportwriters currently working and seemingly no less than the voice of an entire generation of sports-pop-culture-and-stripper-loving young men, writing for “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” the show that has all but disappeared off the pop-culture radar, if it was ever there in the first place. With Kimmel making a rare showing in the news today, this dynamic was on display in full force.
Simmons and some other writers for the show are in Houston for the Super Bowl, and during Media Day yesterday they pulled a stunt in which Kimmel regular “Cousin Sal” showed up in front of a mass of reporters costumed as Carolina Panthers kicker John Kasay, and attempted to fool media members into reporting his fake quotes. They managed to fool a couple of media outlets, until Kasay himself caught on to the deception, another reporter got into a scuffle with Sal, and all of Team Kimmel was escorted out of the stadium.
Simmons told his version of the story on his running ESPN.com blog today, and I laughed out loud reading it, especially the part in which Simmons accidentally ordered a Panthers home jersey for “Kasay” to wear, when the rest of the team was wearing road jerseys. “This is good!,” I thought, and figured I’d watch Kimmel’s show that night to see the finished product.
So I watched the bit, and… nothing. Not that I’ve ever laughed at anything on Kimmel’s show (at least unless it involved Andy Milonakis), but the piece was absolutely, 100% laugh-free- mostly because “Cousin Sal” isn’t funny, but also because the show left out almost the all the funny parts from Simmons’ account, and even threw in a cringe-inducing interview of “Kasay” by ESPN’s Trey Wingo, who really should know better.
I’ve got a feeling this has happened quite a bit- Simmons comes up with clever ideas, and all the “funny” gets filtered out in favor of the unfunny Kimmel sensibility. How long before those inevitable “Kimmel Gets Kanceled” headlines?

AN HONOR NOT TO BE

AN HONOR NOT TO BE NOMINATED: I never really commented on the Oscar nominations that were announced yesterday- honestly I’m upset that “Big Fish” was largely ignored- I’d have liked to see recognition for picture, director, adapted screenplay, production design, and supporting actor Albert Finney, though I guess myself and other fans of the film will have to be content with a Best Original Score nomination.
Of the Best Picture picks I agree with “Lord of the Rings” and “Lost in Translation”; I found “Master and Commander” slightly overrated and “Mystic River” highly overrated, and I haven’t seen “Seabiscuit” yet (it’s #5 in my Netflix queue, however). I don’t care whether or not “Cold Mountain” was nominated or how Harvey feels, though perhaps I’ll care more once I read the Biskind book.
I don’t have much to say about the acting categories or anything else, but I just hope Bill Murray becomes the first Ghostbuster to win an Oscar. But only if he can beat Johnny Depp-as-a-gay-pirate-version-of-Keith Richards in “Pirates of the Carribean.”