Monthly Archives: December 2004

Forget Paris

New York Daily News gossip Lloyd Grove has banned Paris Hilton from ever again being mentioned in his column. If only the rest of the media would take the lead…

Over the past five years – without any discernible talent, education, scruples, manners, modesty or underpants – the pretty blond great-granddaughter of hotel magnate Conrad Hilton has waged a terrifying campaign for world domination.
The arc of Paris’ “career” – from rich, witless party girl to rich, witless party girl with a hit television show – is an insult to the American sense of fairness: the idea that you get ahead by working hard, playing by the rules and acquiring a skill of some sort.
Paris has bothered with none of the above, and yet society continues to reward her with money and fame.

Read the whole thing; it’s almost as good a takedown as the “Stupid Spoiled Whore” episode of “South Park.”

For The Rest of Us


Yes, tomorrow is everybodys favorite fake holiday, beating out Chrismukkah. The New York Times even ran a piece the other day on the origins of Festivus- it was dreamed up in 1964 by the father of a Seinfeld writer, and then re-appropriated for a final-season episode- and all those who currently celebrate the holiday.
This whole thing, as well as the DVD sets that my wonderful girlfriend got me for ChrismukkahHanukkah, has got me thinking- it appears that today, almost seven years after it went off the air, Seinfeld is more popular and influential than ever before. Yes, a strange thing to say about the popular sitcom of all time, but look at it this way: it seems like people quote and reference the show more often than it any time during its original run.
Maybe its the constant re-runs, in which the episodes always get funnier with repetition. Maybe its that the new sitcoms on TV are almost universally horrible, making Seinfeld look better by comparison. Or maybe its the phenomenon that people of my generation who grew up watching the show all appreciate the jokes differently now that were adults and can relate to the jokes about dating, jobs, apartments, etc.
So be sure to ponder that, as you enjoy the Feats of Strength and the Airing of the Grievances.
(Image courtesy of Bill)

Whats The Deal?

The two most anticipated, complicated, deals of the baseball offseason- Randy Johnson-to-the-Yankees and Expos-to-Washington- have each seen their fortunes drift back and forth dramatically over the course of the past month or so. As of now, it appears the latter is done and the former is dead, but I really feel as though both are inevitable.
Im really glad the politicians in DC were able to work out a deal for a stadium, rather than consign the Expos to a continuation of their three-year limbo. I wish the ones in Minnesota could do the same, but alas it appears well be stuck with no new revenues for the foreseeable future, and thus Luis Rivas in the starting lineup for another year.
Anyway, Eric was at the scheduled town hall meeting in DC the night of the stadium deal; always nice to witness history in the making, even if the mayor didnt end up showing up.
On the Unit front, the Dodgers may have pulled out of the ten-player, three-team megadeal, but fret not: Johnson will be a Yankee, even if it takes another third team dedicated to being Steinbrenners bitch. The White Sox, certain to be a 100-game loser in 05, are an excellent candidate. I for one actually hope the trade goes through; if you ask me the Yankees can never have too many starting pitchers who make $10 million a year and were born before the Six-Day War.

Sports Guy suggests that Kobe Bryant should turn heel- i.e., in wrestling parlance, when a previous good guy suddenly turns into a villain, like when lifelong hero Hulk Hogan became a bad guy in 1996 with the NWO.
Its a funny analysis, but I would say Kobes already done it- acting like an arrogant jerk to everyone around him, running Shaq out of town, that whole rape thing and the Karl Malone confrontation just clinches it. Remember when the Hulkster and Macho Man Randy Savage got in their fight over Miss Elizabeth? I can just picture Kobe going on PTI and telling Karl Malone that you lust in your heart, brother.

Tucker: A Man And His Dream

Tucker Carlson is rumored to be jumping from CNN to MSNBC to take over the 9PM timeslot. For my only commentary on this matter, I defer to George Carlin:

“Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks. And fuck Tucker’s friend, Kyle. Soft names make soft people. I’ll tell you, ten times out of ten, Jimmy, Bobby, and Vinnie will kick the shit out of Todd, Kyle, and Tucker.”

For the purposes of this exercise, Fox News Channel will play the part of “Jimmy, Bobby, and Vinnie.”

Ebert’s Top Ten

Roger Ebert has come out with his annual “Best Movies of the Year” list, and he’s got Clint Eastwood’s “Million Dollar Baby” (which I haven’t seen and probably won’t) as #1, followed by “Kill Bill Vol. 2,” “Vera Drake,” “Spider-man 2,” and “Moolade.” I expect “Spider-man” will be the only common denominator between my top ten and his.
I’m working on my own year-end stuff that should be posted sometime next week; I’ll have my top tens for movies, music, and TV, as well as the annual awards, and (of course) the Shameful Events list. Here’s last year’s version.