Monthly Archives: October 2006

Jeremy’s Spoken

I got a letter the other day asking if I’d like to subscribe to something called the Hedgehog Review, which describes itself as “an interdisciplinary journal of critical reflections on contemporary culture, published three times a year by the Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture.”
Gee, I had no idea Ron Jeremy’s interests were so highbrow…

Best Description of the ’06 Vikings I Can Imagine

Bill Simmons, in today’s NFL rankings column:

THE ADAM SANDLER TEAM:Minnesota (4-2)
You know how Sandler’s movies consistently make more money than anyone else in Hollywood, but if somebody argued in a room full of people that Sandler was the biggest movie star alive, everyone would think that person was crazy? Well, the Vikings are a little like that. They hang around, don’t make mistakes, force 1-2 dumb turnovers a game and control the football with a superior offensive line (their one true strength). And if that’s not enough, their Ewing Theory potential with Culpepper and Moss is off the charts. But if somebody claimed they had a chance to win the Super Bowl, everyone would pull the “You’re crazy!” routine. Let’s see what happens on Monday night against the Pats. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.”

Well as they’re playing, I’m having trouble getting excited about this team. But if they beat the Pats Monday night, it’ll get a little easier.

Verducci vs. Rogers

Ouch. Now that’s a smackdown. Yes, of course he was cheating. And, as Simmons pointed out the other day, Rogers bears all the markings (late-career resurgence, increase in velocity, extreme rage) of a steroid guy.
I’d been wondering why we don’t hear anything anymore about pitchers scuffing the ball. We’ve come a long way since the glory days of Gaylord Perry’s spit, Mike Scott’s emery board, and (of course) Joe Niekro’s sandpaper.

I Pity the Yanks

Derek Jeter gave an interview this week about the Yankees, their playoff loss, A-Rod, and various other topics. My favorite part:

Somebody asked him if he’d lobbied Yankees owner George Steinbrenner on behalf of embattled manager Joe Torre in the wake of the Yankees’ Division Series loss to the Tigers.
“You don’t have to lobby on behalf of Mr. T,” Jeter said. “And if I did, that’s a conversation that would be private.”

Yes, that’s right- he calls Joe Torre “Mr. T.” I don’t even have a joke, because nothing I could possibly say could possibly be as funny as the thought of Torre with a mohawk, denim vest, and gold chains.

O’Delaware

Remember Christine O’Donnell? She was a mid-level conservative pundit who would appear frequently on Bill Maher, Chris Matthews, and various Fox News shows around the time of the 2000 election, arguing the conservative Christian case under the auspices of something called Savior’s Alliance For Lifting Truth (SALT- strange for a far-right group to give themselves the name of a Jimmy Carter-negotiated arms control treaty. Sort of like Air America naming themselves after a Mel Gibson movie).
O’Donnell was primarily known for arguing about the “radical homosexual agenda”- and also being for being very, very attractive. She would say all the same things Laura Ingraham or Kellyanne Fitzpatrick would; the difference was, Ben Affleck would flirt with her while she did it.
Anyway, I noticed Christine hadn’t been around lately, so I Googled her today and… she’s running for the Senate in Delaware! Or rather, she was running- she lost the Republican primary this summer. This is a petition afoot, however, to draft her as a write-in candidate, against Sen. Thomas Carper and the Republican nominee, Jan Ting.
O’Donnell is certainly much better looking than the last guy Carper ran against.

Why I’m Not a Republican, Cont’d

Here’s Hugh Hewitt, one of the right’s most popular bloggers, on the New Jersey Supreme Court decision:

The acts of the New Jersey Supreme Court, and before it the highest courts in Massachusetts and Vermont, are mere legalistic, non-violent coups, as disreputable as the Dred Scott decision and Plessy v. Ferguson. The will of a handful of judicial radicals has replaced that of elected representatives of the people in a tiny number of states, and such usurpations are very ominous indeed.

Yes, because allowing people to marry each other is just as bad as slavery and segregation. And he’s a law professor? Never mind that the law does not actually legalize gay marriage, but rather kicks the question back to the state legislature. But of course, it still won’t stop the GOP from trying to win the election by dangling Those Scary Homos in front of their base.
Good for New Jersey. They don’t get a lot right, politics-wise, but this decision was the right one.

Chutzpah Award Nominee

The biggest asshole in baseball, Gary Sheffield, reacted with outrage yesterday when he learned that the Yankees had exercised his option for next year. How much is the option for? $13 million.
This, despite the fact that Sheffield was injured most of last year, will be 38 years old next year, and played first base -badly- in the postseason after the Yankees traded for someone (Bobby Abreu) who plays his position.

“This will not work, this will not work at all,” Sheffield told the newspaper. “I don’t want to play first base a year for them. I will not do that.”

My heart just bleeds for Gary, it really does. He and the Yankees deserve each other.
I was thinking about this today, while I listened to WIP and heard a solid hour of the hosts and callers ripping Donovan McNabb – because he hasn’t yet apologized for missing the touchdown pass at the end of the first half on Sunday. Priorities, people, priorities.

Comedy Central’s Got Balls

I don’t know what’s worse- that Comedy Central is preparing an animated series, called “Baxter & McGuire,” in which the two lead characters are a pair of testicles- or that in this UPI story about it, the self-generated Amazon ad is for the “South Park: Chef’s Salty Chocolate Balls” DVD. I guess they know their market.
They did kind of steal the end, though, from the groundbreaking “Dickesode” episode of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” which aired on Sunday. And, the show would be even better if instead of “Baxter and McGuire” the testicles were named “Sosa & McGwire,” and if they atrophied at the end of every show.

And I Mean It From the Bottom of My Heart

“[Hugh] Hewitt, and many of the pro-Republican bloggers/pundits/radio jabberers that he cites, have taken such a long breather from justifying their party’s policies that they’ve forgotten how to… The problem isn’t that the authors and bloggers are negative. Hey, that’s campaigning. The problem is their lack of ideas, their lack of a defense of the GOP, their lack of interest in justifying the party to its former faithful. They hate being told that the beloved party might need to be kicked into the minority to rediscover its reason for being. They hate it so much that they can provide scary pictures of Nancy Pelosi, nasty names for anti-PATRIOT Act Democrat Jon Tester, and even more evidence that they desperately need a little time back on the bench.

Dave Weigel of Reason.com, pointing out all that’s wrong in modern-day GOP punditry, in a piece smartly called “I Just Blogged to Say I Hate You.”