Because this, from the Poconos, sounds like lots of fun:
Stroudsburg Area Regional Police are investigating complaints of a private golf outing featuring lap dance stations, threesomes and naked women at the Cherry Valley Golf Course on Monday.
Neighbors called police after Dave Gold, 20, and a 17-year-old female were denied access to the road shared by the golf course and the home of Gold’s friend, Will Croasdale, 19.
Gold said an employee of the course told him a private golf tournament was taking place, and the road was closed.
When Gold argued, he said he was first told by the employee “I’ll kick your ass,” followed by “I’ll break your neck.”
I first heard about this on sports radio, so I just assumed some local team had done an Al-and-Alma’s, only on dry land. But nope; Fred Smoot was nowhere near Stroudsburg that day.