Internet history was made Wednesday afternoon when Bill Simmons chatted for over seven hours on ESPN.com, to benefit the V Foundation.
Of the chat’s seven hours, approximately two of them were taken up entirely by Johan Santana trade scenarios. But Bob Sansevere of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, who is a comedy morning show personality first and a writer second, has possibly the worst one of all (as pointed out by Fire Joe Morgan.com:)
If I’m the Twins’ general manager, here’s what I do. (And I’d do it under duress because I’d be working for a cheapskate owner.) I get on the horn with Boston Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein and say, “You want Johan Santana, right?”
Epstein likely will say, “Right.”
Then I say, “Tell you what. I’ll trade you Santana and Carlos Silva and Joe Nathan.”
Then I wait for Epstein to pick the phone up off the floor, and I say, “I don’t really want to part with Santana or Nathan, but my owner is a cheapskate and won’t pay what it will take to sign them long term. So, you give me center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury, second baseman Dustin Pedroia, closer Jonathan Papelbon, starters Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz, and we’ve got a deal.”
My favorite thing about when people propose outlandish trade scenarios is when they get really angry at their team’s GM for not having yet made the trade. Sansevere does that, and also seems to not understand that 1) Silva is a free agent and can’t be traded, 2) the Sox probably aren’t in such a hurry to trade five young, inexpensive key players from a team that just won a World Series for two pitchers who are a year away from free agency, as well as another who is already in free agency.
I think the Twins should trade Nick Punto and Jason Tyner to the Yankees for Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera. Come on, Bill Smith! What’s wrong with you?
Not any better is the common Philly idea of trading Ryan Howard for Santana, because Howard “strikes out too much.” But I still haven’t heard that one as many times as the Donovan McNabb for Devin Hester idea. I’ve heard five different WIP callers suggest that one in the last year, although I think three of the five called him “Kevin Hester.”
UPDATE: Supposedly, the Red Sox and Twins are “talking about the framework” of a deal for Santana, in which the Twins get Coco Crisp, Jon Lester, Jed Lowrie and a fourth minor league pitcher. I don’t know how i feel about this- ANOTHER Minnesota superstar in Boston to go with Garnett, Ortiz, Moss, and Schools Superintendent Carol Johnson, and I don’t know that Lester is enough pitching in return when there’s a chance to maybe get Hughes from the Yanks. And the Sox getting Santana without giving up Ellsbury or Buchholz? Giving them a rotation of Santana, Beckett, Schilling, DiceK, Buchholz and Wakefield? They could win 120 games.