Monthly Archives: December 2009

We Have a New Worst Tiger Woods Column

Vancouver Sun: “Tiger Woods: Worse Than Tony Soprano”
Who’s worse- the guy who cheats on his wife with many women and also runs a crime syndicate and kills people, or the guy who cheats on his wife with many women, but has killed no one and is a professional golfer? Clearly, it’s the latter.

Quote of the Day

Jonathan Chait, on the right-wing reaction to health care:

In the right-wing mind, the world we live in at any given moment can be described as the free market, the American way of life, perhaps not a perfect world but a cherished and fundamentally free one. The next advance of liberalism will always bring socialism, tyranny, a crushing burden on industry, and other horrors. The previous liberal advances that they or their predecessors greeted with such hysteria are eventually incorporated into the landscape of the free American way of life.

No, it’s not the best bill they could’ve gotten, and yes, it shows just how screwed up our political process is. But I’m delighted that health care is going to pass.

TV Critic Quote of the Day

A hilariously angry TV review on Salon by Heather Havrilesky that kicks off with two paragraphs of unrelated Tiger-bashing:

Take Tiger Woods. Time was when you could work $60,000 of discretionary whoring into your budget, and no one blinked. That’s capitalism, after all. As the demand for luxury porn star hookers with not-ugly faces increases, the supply of super-deluxe star-fucking sea honkies rises in turn. The prices are high, yes, but that’s because these luxurious whoring slut monkeys only grab ankle for married, internationally renowned athletes. See how classy?
The truth is, we still strongly encourage supernatural megastars like Tiger to sample a wide range of extravagantly festooned, fat-lipped trollops. After all, what good is international stardom and huge piles of cash if you can’t jet off to far-flung locales where exotic sea donkeys frolic, raising their sculpted button noses in the air to sniff out large currency transactions? We want big deal athletes like Tiger to cavort with the rarefied porn porpoises, resting only occasionally to high-five themselves in the bathroom mirror. And we want these pouty harlots to tattle on the guys in tabloid stories accompanied by extra fancy photos of the girls in question bent over pool tables and the like.

The Mullet Life

Some Vikings levity, after last night’s debacle in Charlotte:

Now I’ve gone on record as saying that NFL player-hosted radio shows are almost always awful- between Philadelphia’s two stations, there are about 15 of them, and none are especially good. But I heard Jared Allen’s KFAN show yesterday morning*, and it was side-splittingly hilarious. I first tuned in and was wondering, “which comedian is this?,” before I realized it was Allen. Post-football, he has quite a future, if not as a studio analyst, as a stand-up comic.
* I’ve made it a habit in recent months to listen to KFAN on iHeartRadio while raking leaves/doing yardwork/shoveling snow on Sundays. After this weekend’s East Coast Snowpocalypse, let’s just say I was listening for a long time. When will they invent the Driveway Zamboni?